Janine

Nicknames:

1. Yo (because she wanted to rhyme with her homies Flow, Slow, Ho and Whoa and couldn't come up with anything better)
2. J9 (how her name is spelled Ja-nine)
3. Tits, Tits McGee, Boobs or anything referring to 'the twins' (self-explanatory)
4. Smelly Pirate Hooker (usually yelled by Kevin in public places followed by 'get me a beer' followed by Janine laughing hysterically)
5. Boob Villa (because she's handy around the house)

Mad Skills:

1. Queen of the wakeboard faceplant
2. Has a tendency to look drunk in all her photos even if she isn't (most of the time she is...)
3. Can shatter a martini glass with her breast
4. Sag-defying boobs, even with all her "bouncy" sports
5. Keeping up with Rockfish drinking

Best Occupations:

1. Naked handywoman
2. Snowboard instructor
3. Sociopathic P.E. coach
4. West Elm catalog customer service operator
5. Lindsay Lohan's personal assistant (the only other man-eater that may have more energy and cause more scandals than her)
6. Angelina Jolie's travel agent/adoption coordinator

Song That Best Defines Janine:

My Humps from the Black Eyed Peas. Those jubblies deserve a song about them.

About Janine:

This rare breed has Queen-Bee-latent tendencies that are exhibited by forcing her adrenaline (perhaps suicidal) junkie tendencies onto her friends by making them drink too much, sleep too little, and obsessively engage in dangerous sports she knows they aren't cut out for. She wishes her hair were as big as her boobs and she wears no makeup but has incredibly 'girly' nails for a tomboy. She tends to attract barely-legal young men while jogging or perverts at the local Starbucks. She owns a Rockfish that she verbally abuses about it's excessive hair growth (even though she swears to be affiliated with several animal rights organizations) and is planning to adopt children that are helpful around the house (...they'll be busy since she has MANY home improvement projects going on at all times). She secretly loves pissing girls off by complaining about being "fat" at a size 6 (whatever Nicole Ritchie) and must be a closet lesbian (much to the chagrin of her male admirers) since she enjoys extreme sports and Home Depot way too much.