"Name The Baby" Pool

UPDATE: Baby boy born at 2:41am on 6/6/6 (making the picture to the right even more appropriate) weighing 5lbs 11oz. Turns out the father won the date pool and gets to keep the baby afterall (insider information). No one won the weight pool since little Damien (as he shall now be known) came in under everyone's weight guess.

So we all agreed that the person who is closest to baby Bain's birth weight without going over, gets to name the baby (this will be the nickname that everyone calls the baby from now on, regardless of what the parents actually call the baby). The person who is closest to baby Bain's birth date without going over, gets to keep the baby.

Contender	Weight	Baby Name	Date
Teresa	7lbs 9oz	Joe	June 23
Janine	8lbs 12oz	Chewbacca (Chewy)	June 25
Anessa	7lbs 5oz	Dillan	June 30
Karen	7lbs 6oz	Thor	June 28
Rob	?	Martie	?
LeeAnn	8lbs 4oz	Lloyd	July 1
Kevin	8lbs 5oz	Elmer	July 4
Jillian	8lbs 11oz	Little Bald Eagle	July 2
Chris	8lbs 3oz	Phlegm	June 26
Nancy	9lbs 2oz	Bok Choi	June 29
Thomas	8lbs 13oz	Rockwell	June 21
Mark	7lbs 1oz	Kellen	June 3

Important wakeboarding tips...

1. Loading lots of wakeboards onto your wakeboarding rack, regardless of whether you use them on not, makes you look hella-cool.
2. If you catch a back edge so hard that you suspect you’ll have permanent back problems for the rest of your life, get back up immediately and catch a front edge…not only will it straighten everything back out, it will amuse your friends.
3. All those hella-cool flips that they make look really easy on my Higher Education wakeboarding instruction video…aren’t.
4. If you get a new rider who yells out ‘OK’ to signal that he’s ready to be pulled, even though he’s facing backwards, sideways or has the rope wrapped around his neck three times, it never stops being funny to imitate him every chance you get.
5. Those cheap orange life preservers can be tied around your thighs so that you can float around in the water and drink your beer at the same time.
6. When you’re floating around in the water with those cheap orange life preservers tied around your thighs and you ask your buddy on the boat to toss you another beer, make sure it’s a can, not a bottle, so that when they whip it at your head causing you to duck and miss the beer, it’ll float back up to the surface.
7. If one of your buddies is starting to get a lot better than you, pull them at 12 miles per hour so they don’t have enough speed to pull off cool tricks and swear up and down that you were pulling them at 21. You can always make up some excuse later like they must be hung-over and it just seems a lot slower or the speedometer must be broken or something.
8. Sex-lube works just as well as dish-soap for getting into your bindings only it smells a lot nicer when you crash so hard your board swings around behind you and kicks you in the back of the head.
9. Don’t let any of my friends drive the boat because they don’t pay attention when you’re waiting to get up and will drag you face-first through the water until they yank the rope right out of your hands, only to laugh at your ass when they realize what they just did.
10. Pulling off big tricks to impress your friends can be scary. Cranking really loud beats over your tubbies can help you get pumped up for big air. At a minimum, it'll muffle your screams when you crash badly. Some good scream-muffling tunes:

Prodigy, Smack My Bitch Up

Lyrics Born, Callin' Out

Anything on the Crystal Method Vegas CD

Groove Armada, Superstylin'

Top 10 reasons why you should read this blog...

10. It's like a trainwreck...how can you NOT keep coming back to see the unfolding disaster? (check out the wakeboarding crashes video for example)

(click image to enlarge)

9. We’re hot....some of the time...

8. It's a refreshing alternative to spending ALL of your online time downloading porn.

7. We’re hella-good dancers...

6. If you don't we'll steal your boyfriend/girlfriend next time you're out of town. Don't tempt us...we really have that kind of power.

5. Karen 'accidentally' shows her punani a lot...

4. So you can live vicariously through us and finally have that kickass life you've always wanted.

3. Jillian needs the attention...

2. Because I swear this will eventually turn into a porn site.

1. So you can steal this shit, use it around your friends, claim it as your own, and seem way freakin' funnier than you really are.

It all started when...

...a bunch of average joes with dillusions of athleticism all independently signed up for flag-football fame with the Seattle Sports League on a team we called the Flanker Fly (we got that off a cheap sponge football with plays written on it because we couldn't think of anything better at the time).

OK, so the playing was a little weak but we showed strong drinking skills from the start. Who would have thought a bunch of random, moderately-athletic clowns, all with the same politically-incorrect-and-slightly-evil sense of humor would end up on the same team. We started out as the worst team in the league but hella-cool as we'd roll up with our portable BBQ and plastic cups of beer and call out plays like "hooray for boobies", "dirty sanchez", "short and curlies" and "f**ck it" (it was our best play).

Things were a little different back then... Mark was just a tiiiiiiiiiiny bit skinnier but with a much higher tolerance for alcohol. He had to be told several times not to bring his beer on the field while playing. This was the same guy who'd run around the room after a night of heavy drinking in Whistler yelling "Powder Alert, Powder Alert" to wake everyone up for snowboarding at 7am right before he'd crack a beer. Also the same guy who stopped to grab a 12-pack of beer at 9am while we were lost on our way up to Crystal for some snowboarding (consequently, I've discovered that I think I'm a better snowboarder when I'm drunk).

Mark wasn't the only one who was different back then. Ah those were the good old days, back when Kevin USED TO CUT HIS HAIR ONCE IN A WHILE! (Hey Kev, in case I haven't told you at least twice today, you need a hair cut!).




And we can't forget our little Anessa who finally looks like she's all grown up and graduated from high school even though she's a few years older than most of us (yeah, we hate her for that).

From there we started bringing more people in (lucky bastards described here) and branching out into more extreme sports like snowboarding and mountain biking and most recently, wakeboarding when Kevin got the notion to buy a $40k wakeboarding boat even though he'd tried twice and handn't been able to get up on a wakeboard (kinda reminds me of how he went out to get a quad amaricano the other day and "accidentally" came home with a new Shaun Murray wakeboard). Which brings us to where we are today...a bunch of random, moderately-athletic clowns with a lot more expensive sporting gear in our closets.

The Who's-Who "Map"

(click image to enlarge)

The Rockfish Mug

We gave Kevin the following mug for his birthday so he isn't deprived of his quad americano in the morning...



Rockfish

Rockfishes (Sebastes sp.) are a diverse group of marine fishes with species inhabiting couches in and around the Puget Sound area with some individuals traveling as far North as Whistler, BC.

General description: Adult rockfishes typically describe themselves as pear shaped with pipe cleaner arms and legs but can range in size, depending on the time of year, from six-pack to beer-gut. These fish are characterized as tardy and have poor planning skills but will readily participate in activities planned by others. They are not considered a ‘catch’ but do have a great sense of humor, often tending toward the politically incorrect. Being a fish, they prefer liquid-based activities such as wakeboarding and drinking heavily and avoid soil-based activities such as mountain biking or landscaping.

Food habits: Rockfish feed on a variety of food items consisting primarily of entire large pizzas, schnitzel, rolls that have been licked by someone else, squeezable ketchup, and Corona.

1994, NOAA. Revised and reprinted 2006.