Chris

Nicknames:

1. canibarro

Mad Skills:

1. Dancing with roller skates on
2. Tossing out random lingo that no body else understands like ‘hopping off chocolate chips’.
3. Coming up with cool baby names like ‘Phlegm’

Best Occupations:

1. Ambigously ethnic model
2. Mickey Mouse for Disney on Ice
3. Suicide bomber
4. Rapper

About Chris:

Despite the fact that chris has a tendency to look like one of the Sopranos in his photos it doesn't seem to deter people from assuming he's gay which causes Chris constant frustration (perhaps he should stop using the word 'scuzzi' in normal conversation). Although he doesn't drink too often (we're working on that) his Mr. Hyde side comes out full force on free vodka redbulls and he has the crew cracking up.

Teresa

Nicknames:

1. T (in Seattle)
2. Tess (in Whistler)
3. The Kissing Bandit (she kisses a lot of boys...and we mean 'boys')
4. Port of Teresa (her home is a layover for people traveling to or from Whistler so feel free to stop in next time you're passing through)

Mad Skills:

1. Looking good in photos apparently (it's hard to find bad ones)
2. She can put her foot behind her head
3. Drinking consecutively for 5 months
4. Attracting boys less than half her age

Best Occupations:

1. High school counselor (until she gets arrested for dating the male students)
2. Selling "I know Tess" T-shirts in Whistler
3. Circus performer
4. Liver-donor for medical school student training
5. Keeping sports equipment companies in business

About Teresa:
The unofficial ambassador of Whistler and a would-be Canadian, Teresa 'winters' in Whistler (which they are considering renaming to Tessville) where she gets more days on the snow in one year than the rest of the shop wreckers have gotten in their life...combined. Unparalleled cradle-robbing skills required her friends to impose a rule that she only date boys whose parents are older than her. She's frequently roped into stunts she regrets later like drinking her way through the alphabet, catching a cab home at 8am wearing a red leather minidress and fishnets, and drinking non-stop Jager Bombs until she falls flat on her face in the middle of Whistler village and then insists on just leaving her there in the snow. She has a collection of baseball caps that rival Thomas's beanie collection and a snowboard collection that's even larger. She's reportedly had sex on Blackcomb gondola #69 so be careful where you sit next time you're there.

Nancy

Nicknames:

1. Nancy pants

Mad Skills:

1. Asking rapid fire questions faster than you can answer them and believing your answers as truth even though you're probably not the right person to be asking in the first place (the answer is 3 Nancy, Mark and Katie will have 3 kids)

Best Occupations:

1. Kindergarten teacher
2. Professional poker player
3. Survivor contestant
4. Interrogator

About Nancy:
We suspect Nancy has a closet obsession with Princess Leia, as she has a tendency to wear her hair in side buns and nubbly-pigtail-thingies. Her innocent-little-girl giggle makes it even more frustrating when she takes away all your money in poker, even though she has no game face or strategy whatsoever (in fact, I don't think she even knows how to PLAY poker). She defies reason by doing better in marathons that she doesn't train for than the ones she does (...as an aside, she beat Mark in the last marathon they ran together...haha Mark) and is probably way too nice for the crowd she rolls with. Don't be fooled by the happy-kindergarten-teacher personality. It's a thin veil disguising Nancy's fierce competitive streak and she'd viciously rip your still-beating heart out if you walked in front of the TV while she's watching one of the X-Men movies.

Karen

Nicknames:

1. Whoa (Part of the 'o' nickname series. The noise she makes when snowboarding or mountain biking...and probably wakeboarding too but we can't hear her)
2. Donkey (talks non-stop like the donkey on Shrek, especially in the morning)
3. Punani (makes a lot of 'accidental' appearances)
4. The Ass (her booty has a mind of it’s own and shakes around freely at will)
5. Ragdoll (she goes down like one when she crashes wakeboarding)

Mad Skills:

1. Blowing 'gut felt' onion and garlic burps in other people’s faces
2. Talking to herself
3. She can make the 'west side' symbol with her hand

Best Occupations:

1. TV Talk show host for "Wild On"
2. Professional booty shaker at Venom
3. Asian chef
4. Suicide hot line therapist

About Karen:
Karen is a hottie who has a tendency to leave boys jaws sagging. She likes to clean, ejoys talking about flatulence, watches Nip Tuck, does this "duck look" where she presses her lips together and out. She likes to go bra-less (and underwear-less which is why we keep getting those 'accidental' punani shots) and went to a "good Lutheren" school where she apparently learned nothing. Growing up as an only child, Karen has become very adept at talking to herself...in fact she does it constantly. If Karen isn't talking (a trait that earned her the nickname Donkey), it means she's probably doing some athletic activity which requires her to conserve her breath and she reverts to grunts, squeels and short words which earned her the nickname 'whoa'. Karen has been dating Thomas for two years now but hasn’t yet realized that Thomas is actually asian.

LeeAnn

Nicknames:

1. Ho (part of the 'o' series of nicknames. She was dating a lot of different men at the time, one of whom we like to refer to as 'shocking' - think 'like a salamander licking a burrito')
2. Leon (kinda sounds like LeeAnn)

Mad Skills:

1. Hurting herself
2. Making the rock-on sign with her hands
3. Although we've never asked her to demonstrate, we assume she can probably put her entire fist in her mouth after dating 'shocking'

Best Occupations:

1. Pet psychologist
2. Human life-preserver (that big butt of hers floats)
3. Serial killer

Song that Best Defines LeeAnn:
Eminem's Ass Like That. The full lyric is "I ain't never seen an ass like that". LeeAnn doesn't really have a big ass, it's actually kinda tiny but this all started when she was hogging up a seat and it's been a never ending source of entertainment to make fun of her ass since...and this is yet another gratuitous jab.

About LeeAnn:
The proud owner of one-and-three-quarter cats (one of them isn't so car smart). LeeAnn defines the concept of a shoe fetish when she feels morally torn about spending $150 for 6 articles of clothing but won't deliberate for a second on dropping $550 on a pair of Jimmy Choos. LeeAnn has an obsession with 80s metal bands that most of us grew out of in high school. She dates guys with weird names (she orders men like her food, she's always gotta have the most exotic thing on the menu). Despite having such a gargantuan derriere, LeeAnn still manages to fit down the single-track trails on her mountain bike.

Thomas

Nicknames:

1. Slow (Part of the 'o' nickname series. He's slow to strap into his snowboard)
2. Blacky Chan (he wins the tanning competition every summer)
3. Lips (he has massive lips)

Mad Skills:

1. Giving the finger
2. Sticking his head in front of other people in photos
3. Pulling crazy faces

Best Occupations:

1. Porn star
2. Sperm donor
3. Replacement for Carson on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
4. Interior decorator

About Thomas:

Thomas has a keen eye for color and an embarrassingly-large collection of beanies. He spends his spare time fondling himself, either on or off camera and is a total photo-whore who takes every opportunity to 'pull a face' or stick his mug into someone else's photos. He uses the word "bomb" a lot and stares blankly at people who say dumb things (some day we may find out what he's actually thinking). The man can dance! He moves those hips like Shakira but has yet to come out of the closet and admit that he's metrosexual (we're still working on it).

Janine

Nicknames:

1. Yo (because she wanted to rhyme with her homies Flow, Slow, Ho and Whoa and couldn't come up with anything better)
2. J9 (how her name is spelled Ja-nine)
3. Tits, Tits McGee, Boobs or anything referring to 'the twins' (self-explanatory)
4. Smelly Pirate Hooker (usually yelled by Kevin in public places followed by 'get me a beer' followed by Janine laughing hysterically)
5. Boob Villa (because she's handy around the house)

Mad Skills:

1. Queen of the wakeboard faceplant
2. Has a tendency to look drunk in all her photos even if she isn't (most of the time she is...)
3. Can shatter a martini glass with her breast
4. Sag-defying boobs, even with all her "bouncy" sports
5. Keeping up with Rockfish drinking

Best Occupations:

1. Naked handywoman
2. Snowboard instructor
3. Sociopathic P.E. coach
4. West Elm catalog customer service operator
5. Lindsay Lohan's personal assistant (the only other man-eater that may have more energy and cause more scandals than her)
6. Angelina Jolie's travel agent/adoption coordinator

Song That Best Defines Janine:

My Humps from the Black Eyed Peas. Those jubblies deserve a song about them.

About Janine:

This rare breed has Queen-Bee-latent tendencies that are exhibited by forcing her adrenaline (perhaps suicidal) junkie tendencies onto her friends by making them drink too much, sleep too little, and obsessively engage in dangerous sports she knows they aren't cut out for. She wishes her hair were as big as her boobs and she wears no makeup but has incredibly 'girly' nails for a tomboy. She tends to attract barely-legal young men while jogging or perverts at the local Starbucks. She owns a Rockfish that she verbally abuses about it's excessive hair growth (even though she swears to be affiliated with several animal rights organizations) and is planning to adopt children that are helpful around the house (...they'll be busy since she has MANY home improvement projects going on at all times). She secretly loves pissing girls off by complaining about being "fat" at a size 6 (whatever Nicole Ritchie) and must be a closet lesbian (much to the chagrin of her male admirers) since she enjoys extreme sports and Home Depot way too much.

Kevin

Nicknames:

1. Flow (part of the 'o' series of nicknames. Kevin was sporting Flow bindings)
2. Rockfish (he claims he's a catch, we claim he's a rockfish - the kind of fish you throw back)
3. Tight Shirt Man (acquired while drunk and wearing Janine's tight belly shirt at Cresent Bar)

Mad Skills:

1. Eating an entire large pizza and 6 root beers in one sitting
2. Dreaming up jobs he would hire midgets for
3. Mooning people

Best Occupations:

1. Hair replacement donor
2. Comedian
3. Lobbyist for alcohol
4. Short-film director

Song That Best Describes Kevin:

Smack My Bitch Up by Prodigy. Kevin is the least-likely person to ever smack anybody for that matter, but that makes it all the funnier when strangers jaws drop as he yells "woman, get me a beer" to his female friends at the top of his lungs in public places.

About Kevin:
Self-described as pear-shaped with pipe-cleaner arms and legs, he once tried to resuscitate a half-inflated snowman outside a gas station and called Jack Black on the way to Whistler to tell him it was time for Jack to put out a new CD. He's the clear instigator in the group and notorious for almost getting his friends kicked out of places you wouldn't have thought possible like a double-decker tour bus in New York. If there's one thing you can count on Kevin for, it's that he'll be late...really late. The stereotypical class clown, he sports tight-fitting women's clothing for laughs, stands on things like tables and phonebooths when he's drunk and makes proclimations to anyone who'll listen. His loud demands of 'woman, get me a beer' to his female friends in public places go completely ignored.

Glossary of Terms

Term	Definition
Balloon knot	Another term for a butt hole because a butt hole looks a lot like a balloon knot. Also a nickname for Jillian.
Cudouche	A cross between that nasty 4-letter word that starts with a 'c' and douche. Kevin makes this shit up.
Eye-peeler	a wakeboarding wipeout where your face hits the water so hard it peels your eyelids back (yes, this really does happen).
FHG	A Jack Black song titled F@#k Her Gently (it's really about the opposite). Also the name of the wakeboarding boat that Kevin and Janine own.
Muff Snuff	The equivalent of a cock block but instead of blocking a guy, a girl is being blocked.
There's a bear in your cave	You have a booger in your nose. If you're anything like Karen, sometimes there may be a whole clan.
Wrecking shop	Taking a dump.
Yard sale	A snowboarding wipeout where all your gear (hat, goggles, etc.) go flying off and are lying around on the snow like it's a yard sale.

The "What's Going On In This Photo?" Series

Check out the full series to date of "What's Going On In This Photo?" posts and feel free to add your own explanation in the comments...

Picture 1 (guy buried in sand?)
Picture 2 (girl pushing guy away?)
Picture 3 (girl running away from guy?)
Picture 4 (guys making faces?)
Picture 5 (girl spanking her butt?)